Why Newborn Adoption isn’t Biblical

Adoption has been a millstone placed around mine and my daughter’s necks for 17 years.

For years, I have heard “Christians” speak of the “blessings” of adoption. I have been confused as to what was wrong with me? Why could I not accept this endless pain as a blessing? Why could I not “get over” the loss of my firstborn?

I have realized that it’s because there is absolutely NOTHING Christian about adoption.

There is no biblical basis for newborn adoption.

We are told in regards to ORPHANS:

1)      To visit them (James 1:27)

2)      Not to mistreat them (Exodus 22:22)

3)      To bring them justice (Psalm 10:180, Psalm 82:3)

4)      Donate for their care (Deut 14:28-29)

Perhaps, an argument can be made that in circumstances of true orphans, adoption is the best way to visit them, bring them justice, and treat them well.

In regards to children who have their families, who are not true orphans, what scriptural basis is there for separating these children from their mothers? I argue there is NONE.

There are 4 examples in the Bible that modern day adoption would argue the case for adoption as a “Christian blessing”.

1)      Tamar: She gets pregnant by her father-in-law, Judah. Perhaps, one of the most shameful acts in all of Scripture, yet no one convinces Tamar that if she “truly loved” her children that she would place them with complete strangers. Perez and Zerah, her twin sons, are included in Christ’s lineage.

2)      Hagar: She is given to Abram (Abraham) by her mistress Sarai (Sarah) because they faced infertility. Even though a promise had been made to Sarah that she would become a mother. Hagar gives birth to Ishmael. Sarah does not “adopt” Ishmael as her own. Hagar is allowed to mother him even though he is born out of wedlock. Hagar is promised by an angel that she and her son will be cared for. God even promises Ishmael a nation. Hagar is never told to “relinquish” Ishmael because of her circumstances and to pretend as if Sarah is his mother. She is sent out into the DESERT and still no adoption agent shows up telling her how Ishmael would be better off in another family.

3)      Jochebed: Many adoption agencies use the story of Moses as a selling point for newborn adoption. Yet, Moses was never “adopted” in the modern day sense of the word. Pharaoh had sent out an order for midwives to murder Jewish sons fresh out of the womb. Moses’ mother manages to birth and hide Moses for a number of months. When the fear of his murder is imminent, she sends him off with Miriam, his sister, in a reed basket. Pharaoh’s daughter finds him and decides to take him in. At this point, Miriam speaks up for her mother, and Pharaoh’s daughter allows Moses’ mother to become his wet nurse and to raise him within the confines of Pharaoh. So, even with threat of death, God manages a way for mother and child to stay together.

4)      Mary: The mother of Christ Himself. She is a young virgin who becomes pregnant out of wedlock. Her very circumstance has become the jackpot for modern day adoption agencies. The golden unwed mother. Yet, her fiancé chooses to marry her, and we know the rest of the story.  There was no adoption agent at her door selling her an “open” adoption because Jesus would be better off with complete strangers who were more financially capable to raise Him.

King Solomon

 

In I Kings 3, Solomon has a dream where he is speaking with God. He is asking help from God to be a good King like his father, David. God tells him in his dream that he, Solomon, has been given a wise and understanding heart. When he awakes, his first case to judge, is that of 2 harlots fighting over a child.

One harlot explains that she gave birth to a healthy child. In the middle of the night, another harlot replaces her living child with a dead child. The mother of the dead child is now claiming the living child as her own. King Solomon then agrees that the living child should be cut in half and a portion given to each mother. Upon this judgment, the real mother relinquishes her son to the other harlot. To her, it is better that he live with another mother than to not live at all. King Solomon then knows the rightful mother.

Newborn adoption agencies pose as the second harlot. Though they may not threaten a birth mother with the death of her child, they do insinuate a life not worth living. How often are mothers, seeking help, told by adoption agencies that their children could have a much better life with strangers who have 2 parent households, financial stability, and ample opportunity? Yet, wise Solomon, recognized that even a harlot is worthy of raising her own child.

Scripturally, we are shown that prostitution (Solomon), incest (Tamar), poverty (Hagar), threat of death (Jochebed), and unwed teens (Mary) are all no circumstance to relinquish a child to strangers. I wonder then, where or how the Church claims the hand of divinity through adoption? There is no case to be made.

What are we told about children?

1)      Psalm 127: Children are a heritage and a reward. They are like the arrows of a warrior.

2)      Proverbs 17:6: Grandchildren are a crown of the aged.

3)      James 1:17: Every good gift is from above.

4)      Jeremiah 1:5: God knows us as babes in the womb. (Surely he doesn’t mistake which womb He places a child)

5)      1 Tim 2:15: A woman is saved through child-bearing.

6)      Isaiah 8:18: God gives us children.

7)      Deuteronomy 28:4: Blessed is the fruit of the womb.

8)      Psalm 17:14: Children are treasures of the womb.

9)      2 Samuel 7:12: Offspring come from one’s body.

Does scripture say anything about Adoption?

Frequently used in the adoption community; Ephesians 1; Paul speaks of being “adopted” into sonship through Christ. Except this “adoption” requires belief (Eph 1:13). It is meant for those who accept the Gospel. In no way, can this be twisted as a justification for modern day adoption. It is comparing apples to oranges.

I never “chose” adoption. There is no “choice” when you are given only one option. It makes it no easier to make that “choice” when you are being threatened with homelessness and being told by the adoption community that you are not good enough for your child. My love for my daughter was exploited. If I “truly loved” her I would give her away. It was selfish to keep her and selfless to surrender. What decent mother doesn’t want to be “selfless” for her child? Of course, she will agree to relinquishment when faced with a Solomon’s harlot choice- a life “worth” living for her child. None of this is biblical. It is utter perversion.

Modern day newborn adoption wasn’t created until the 1950s. Prior to that, there were maternity homes for young women in compromising situations. They were given an opportunity to keep their children while learning a trade and how to better their life circumstances. Modern day adoption was created by social workers and psychiatrists, not Christian theology. The Baby Scoop Era began in the 1950s and continued through the 1970s until it began to get bad press. Young, unwed mothers were stripped of their children never to see them again. The adoptees were given to strangers, in many cases, never even being told that they were adopted. Their birth certificates were changed to hide the fact. The years pressed on and this social experiment was proven a failure.

With the advent of legal abortion, Churches began to entwine themselves even more into the adoption business. There was a belief that adoption was a compassionate answer to abortion. Adoption was no longer viewed as a secretive, shameful thing, but began to be glorified by the Church. Birth mothers became “selfless saints” and adoptive families were “saviors” to “unwanted children.”

To save face from the Baby Scoop Era, adoption agencies began to sell “open” adoption in the 1980s. Unwed mothers were no longer sent off to homes, but were now manipulated from their children through the selling of a fairytale life for their child. It was adoption with a happy face. The mothers could choose the family and maintain an “open” adoption where they could be forevermore an outsider looking in. Open adoption is an ambiguous unenforceable term. For a mother, it might mean that she gets regular visits with her child. For the adoptive family, it might mean that they simply send pictures and/or letters a few times a year. There is no contractual explanation. It is merely used as a means to promise hope to a woman in complete desperation.

Once the adoption is finalized, many now “birth” mothers, are left in the dark. The adoptions are almost immediately closed or they don’t live up to the promises that were made. For those that do continue some form of openness, there is always the looming threat of being perceived as going rogue. One wrong word or action could provoke an adoptive family to cut off contact with a birth mother and she has no legal recourse.

Mothers are not given any resources in regards to adoptee/birth mother studies. They are not told that both adoptees and birth mothers face a higher risk of suicide; 4-7 times higher than the general population. Nor are they told that they now face a higher risk of depression and/or addiction.

No, they are sold a fairytale. Visions of their child, whom they love more than their own flesh (like a normal mother), having opportunities and advantages that they believe they could never provide themselves. Not realizing that their temporary problem is being met with a permanent solution. Not only is the mother losing her child, but her entire lineage; grandchildren, great-grandchildren, etc.

Adoption is being alive and dead. There is no grave to mourn the loss of a child. There was a day that you lost a child, but no one came with consolation. You moved on with life as if nothing happened, yet everything happened. You get to live the life of an outsider. Watching your child transform into the child of others. You get pictures of the first steps, the first day of school, the first dance, graduations, etc. Then you realize one day that you’re a glorified stalker. This child has somehow over the course of years become a perfect stranger before your very eyes.

No matter how “open” an adoption, there are still thoughts and accusations of abandonment. The introduction of “kept” siblings is painful. Why them and not me?

Then one day you find out that beneath the veneer of fairytale that you’ve been sold over the years, that immeasurable pain has been experienced by your child. Perhaps, they’ve been in therapy, medicated, or have resorted to self-destructive behaviors. When ALL of this was for them!!! You find out that they too are struggling with the absurdities of adoption.

I have questioned God for years in this matter. What was wrong with me for not being content and moving on? People told me I was “selfless” and “brave”, yet I felt everything but. I felt desperate and cowardly. Every time I was told my daughter’s adoption was a “blessing” I cringed with an angry fist towards God. I realize now that adoption is a man-made answer, not a God-made answer. There is no scriptural evidence where God mistakenly places a child in the wrong womb. Perhaps, a child is conceived in a sinful situation, but God still promises redemption through child-bearing and motherhood.

I’ve lived a charade for so many years. Trying to accept my daughter’s adoption as a “blessing” and God’s Will. Trying to fit a circle in a square. I’m not so convinced anymore. He tells me nothing in His Word that He meant to place my daughter with another family who were strangers to me. That her conception and life through me was His mistake. She was my child. She was intended for me. She was MY blessing…and it pains me eternally to know that I gave that blessing away. That I allowed others to convince me that I wasn’t good enough for her. I denied His blessing in my life and I am ashamed.

I now choose to do what He asks of me. I have wrestled with my faith for so long over this issue. At times, I walk away from His love, because of the anger and confusion. We are called to love and to be charitable. Convincing a mother that she isn’t good enough for her child, even said with a happy face and fairytale language, is NOT love or charity. It is exploitative. If a mother, for whatever reason, chooses that she still does not “want” to raise her child; that mother needs counseling, not an infertile couple waiting on line. A struggling mother needs help- whether it be financial, educational, or material. Helping others help themselves to her child is not divine. I wash my hands of adoption. My aim is to save others from it

ADDENDUM:

Because I’m using this post as a go-to anytime I see someone using my Savior as an excuse to take a newborn child from a mother, I wanted to include 3 more scriptural references here. Moms and adoptees, feel free to share this post anytime you confront the whole “(fill in the blank Bible person) was adopted” shtick.

I forgot to include the story of Esther…She truly was an orphan. Both of her parents had DIED. They weren’t just poor or in temporary circumstances that led to the permanent severing of their role as her parents. But even in Esther’s case, her biological family was sought after and she was taken in by her cousin Mordecai. This shows that even to God, family preservation is important. She wasn’t sent off to strangers to have her name and lineage changed.

Speaking of lineage, it seems incredibly important to God. There are multiple instances in scripture where lineage is detailed. It is done for specific purposes, to prove historical accuracy- or in other words truth. It is also done to prove God’s interest in individuals. It shows that God cares about each and every one of us. The first 11 chapters of Chronicles are lists of genealogies. His chosen people, are a testament to the importance of lineage; Israel and its 12 tribes. We can’t wipe away the  genealogical history of an individual and paint over it with our own impression; not expecting confusion.

Lastly, Job 24. Does promoting Newborn Adoption move “boundary stones” that we should not be crossing as a society? Are we in fact “snatching” babies from the breast because their natural families are poor or in need of counsel?

Job 24:

2There are those who move boundary stones;
    they pasture flocks they have stolen.
They drive away the orphan’s donkey
    and take the widow’s ox in pledge.
They thrust the needy from the path
    and force all the poor of the land into hiding.
Like wild donkeys in the desert,
    the poor go about their labor of foraging food;
    the wasteland provides food for their children.
They gather fodder in the fields
    and glean in the vineyards of the wicked.
Lacking clothes, they spend the night naked;
    they have nothing to cover themselves in the cold.
They are drenched by mountain rains
    and hug the rocks for lack of shelter.
The fatherless child is snatched from the breast;
    the infant of the poor is seized for a debt.

Newborn Adoption is an issue that the Church needs to revisit. The Church irrefutably has no Scriptural argument to make in favor of it.

“Let the wise listen and add to their learning, and let the discerning get guidance” (Proverbs 1:5).

 

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43 thoughts on “Why Newborn Adoption isn’t Biblical

  1. Wow, this is the most thought provoking essay on adoption I have ever read. It makes think and challenge my beliefs in a good way. Thank you for sharimg your struggle. I felt sadnes with you over your pain. Your words make me remember I want all that I do to be guided by the Word of God. I have a lot more thinking to do.

    If the Church did what you are saying is Scriptural, then they also must minister to the the couples who find themselves infertile. If a couple chooses to adopt a child that the church must first learn then teach equip, support and encourage them because the journey of adopting a child is hard. Even adopting a very young child is hard because the attachment between mother and baby is damaged and broken. The more it is damaged the harder it is. Love is important but not always enough, Broken, angry sad hearts can heal but it takes a lot of work, time patience and self sacrifice. There is no greater joy than to see a child with a broken heart heal.

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    1. You read this page about how adoption is evil, ungodly, and then comment that the church should support people who partake in this evil ungodly thing? When the church supports drug addict in helping them get drugs instead of being clean, helps drunks by buying them booze instead of helping them stay sober, then I think the church can help the childless by stealing another person’s child. Any church that supports adopters has no God inside its walls or hearts.

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  2. Thank you. This is the best post I’ve read in a long time. We share such similar experiences with open adoption. I’ve been struggling with scripture, Christians , and truth. And how they are all connected. Add in that I’m also an adoptee.
    Thank you again. So well written!

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  3. Excellent way of explaining why adoption is wrong. In my case cps explained my kids were better off financially and drug out my case with my boys to steal my daughter. That being said two years later I had another son and haven’t heard a peep from cps. So I have two of my five children. A 15yr old and a newborn. Yet I still feel empty.

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    1. I am so sorry. I have little knowledge about cps, but recently I have started reading horror stories. It sounds like it all needs to be rebuilt from the ground up. The fear of cps played into my daughter’s adoption as well. I had such a fear that since I might be unable to afford her certain things, that she would become a “foster child”. Sad that mothers have to face that reality.

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  4. Thank you! This is the first biblical well thought discussion I’ve seen on how christians view orphans and adoption vs what the Bible really says … couldn’t have said it better myself! Thank you for sharing and thank you for being a mother who is not afraid to speak out! I’m sorry that you have suffered and lived unsupported for so long. As an international adoptee, it saddens me every time I hear from an adoptee who has been reunited and they find the realities of why they were given up and that what you’ve talked about above is too often the sad reality – the lack of choices and guidance from those who are working in an industry that doesn’t care about the adoptee or the mother and the impacts long term! In my experience, there are very very few cases where a mother has given away her child and years later, has any peace about having done so. You will find this reflects many intercountry adoptee’s experiences too … http://www.intercountryadopteevoices.com

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    1. Thank you for the link. I will certainly look into it. I spent years keeping my “demons” in. I thought for so long something was wrong with me. I’ve allowed myself to read/connect with adoptees and “birth” moms over the last year and its the first time in 17 years that I feel fairly normal. Many of us have fallen victim to an “industry”.

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  5. This is all I heard when I relinquished. Christians need to help the fatherless. Christians need to adopt. Christians need to save babies from abortion. Adoption is a gift. Adoption is selfless. It’s not. Christians shouldn’t adopt to prove a point or take a mother away from her child. Support her. Agencies should use some of that money to help keep families together. Not tear then apart. What God has adoption in his plans? Adoption isn’t God’s plan. Another woman doesn’t carry a child for another couple.

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  6. Using the word exploitative is an interesting word – as mothers downunder are very angry at present following a reprehensible report on adoption – where it states prevailing male views are they impregnated young unwed mothers for EXPLOITATIVE and abandoned mother and child – it is like in the bible when people were banished into the wildliness to fend for themselves – mothers were banished into the wildliness for a life time not such 40 years – so many examples can be put together – but we also must forgive those who trespass against us – and as Jesus said as he was dying on the cross – why have you forsaken me – and at times one can feel the same way – but those who have suffered the pain and loss of their son/daughter who was illegally abducted from their wombs – extermination of unwed motherhood – truth will rise into glory

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  7. I echo so much of this article. As a mother of loss to adoption during the baby-scoop-era, being incarcerated in a penal servitude regime under the guise of “christianity” for one year, (1966/7) I have one word here CHARLATANS that took my nine month old baby from my arms, for FILTHY LUCRE…You bring to attention Dr Kate Waller-Barratt, who had above the entrance to her mother and baby homes, NEVER SEPARATE THE SACRED BOND OF MOTHER AND CHILD, this woman TRULY was a Christian. The scriptures remind us “All Scripture is given by inspiration of God” todays so called “christian” adoption agencies are a law unto themselves, and the $$$$$$ is the motivation definitely not scripture. Psalm139 your substance was not hid from me when I formed YOU in your MOTHERS womb, here is God’s inherent word addressing YOU Velvet with the title God gave all mothers who carried their babies…. MOTHER. Velvet, how sad that on top of adoption, we have allowed the adoption industry to demean us further by disinheriting us from the TITLE God gave us, so please address yourself with strength and humility as the MOTHER of your DAUGHTER given to you by God, although your daughter has nurturing parents, YOU are the MOTHER whether in wedlock or out of wedlock God chose the womb. PLEASE PLEASE Take time to read Prof. David Smolin’s critique on Evangelical Adoptions, a wealth of EDUCATION and confirmation new born adoptions are NOT SCRIPTURAL… Prof. Smolin confirms in this paper that adoption was normally in teen years or early adulthood and goes on to elaborate on the biblical understanding of adoption as the apostle Paul being a Roman Citizen uses as an analogy. Joseph when seeing his little brother Benjamin after such a long separation, returned to his chamber and wept with such anguish we read the WHOLE of Pharoh’s household heard Joseph weep, Solomon, we read The MOTHER taken before Solomon, on hearing what was to happen to her baby, read Her Bowels Yearned within her…All this separation grief and loss has such a bottomless abyss of sorrow for us mothers of loss, we can truly say Our Bowels Yearn within us at the LOSS of our BELOVED BABIES. We read in the book Isaiah, He was despised and REJECTED of men, a man of SORROWS aquainted with GRIEF, this brings great comfort to mothers of loss and our taken sons and daughters, and we have a promise from God. Psalm 147 I will HEAL YOUR BROKEN HEART and bind up your WOUNDS and BROKENESS. I trust comfort from this verse helps those so deeply seared by adoption. The theft of our new born adoption, truly is the worst transaction in the history of the human race, should be banished to the annals of HISTORY lets embrace HIS-STORY, to Look after the widows and afflicted, the older women teach the younger women, family is a gift from God. Finally David took Mehibishith, Jonathans son into his home, as he was left with no family, David (Psalmist) treated him as one of his family, yet NEVER changed his name, and, he was informed of ALL his family history, whilst living with King David.

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  8. Velvet. I second Marion’s recommendation to read Prof. David Smolin’s works on adoption. They are powerful and from someone extremely credible and well read. He is law professor with a focus on ethics. Here is a link: https://works.bepress.com/david_smolin/10/ It’s long but worth it.

    I am also a mother of adoption loss (don’t prefer the term “birth” mother). I’m also a Christian and was in the fog for the first 10-12 years. My firstborn is currently 14 and we don’t have any direct contact. I get an email with an update and a few pictures about once a year. I have begged for a video just to hear his voice that he doesn’t even have to know about but even this is denied. Sigh. That’s a story for another day. What I wanted to add to this blog post by way of my comment is a bit more about the reference to being adopted into God’s family that Paul speaks of and a few quotes from Smolin’s work that I think give power to your blog post. Since you may have readers who don’t choose to read Prof. Smolin’s works I would like to summarize. Paul’s words don’t condone today’s adoption practices at all. In Roman culture there were a few kinds of adoption but none of them erased the relationships with biological family. They were always for adult males to give them greater positions of honor and power in society, most commonly by Great families to allow someone not biologically related to become emperor. Paul is not saying take children from their ancestors and erase their biological linage and history. He was referencing a practice that bestowed additional honor and titles and the ability to inherit more through a legal transaction more like marriage. Here is a quote from the larger article:

    “the Roman law and practice of adoption served as an excellent
    metaphor for Paul in conveying to Roman Gentiles their status
    and inheritance as sons of God. When Paul’s audience heard his references
    to adoption, they would have had in their minds young adult
    males who became emperors, or who otherwise moved upward in
    Roman society, through adoption. Paul’s reference to adoption in a
    Roman context implicitly invites a comparison between the Roman
    view of the Emperor as “Lord,” and the Christian insistence that God
    is Lord of Lords and King of Kings and His Son, Jesus Christ, is Lord.
    The clear message is that the inheritance the Christian receives from
    adoption by God would be even greater than the inheritance received
    by those who are adopted by Roman emperors. In a society obsessed
    with honor, Paul is communicating that there is no higher honor than
    being a Christian, which makes one a co-heir with the Lord Jesus
    Christ, Heir of God the Father.114”

    To pervert those words to say this condones taking a child from a living mother and erasing their identity and replacing it with a false one is a vast distortion of scripture at best. This was a practice for adults. Adult males to be specific. This was never done for children, much less infants fresh from the womb! Society has been deceived into believing a lie. Adoption practices today are far from biblical and claiming they are God’s will is dangerously close to blasphemous.

    The other quote is about the relationship of Joseph as the adoptive father of Jesus. This is even more troublesome because if applied to today’s adoption practices it denies the fatherhood of God. How can adoption be God’s will if it denies God? How can it even be considered Christian by doing so?

    “While it is true that Joseph provided Jesus with a legal identity and patrilineal identity within Israel,
    conceptualizing this as an “adoption” in the modern sense does severe
    damage to the spiritual meaning of their relationship. If Joseph
    had “adopted” Jesus in the modern sense this would have required the
    repudiation of God’s fatherhood of Jesus, for God would be the “birth”
    father. Joseph, who was informed in a dream prior to the marriage
    that Jesus was the child of the Holy Spirit,75 surely did not intend this
    kind of displacement. Jesus Himself makes it clear, even in His childhood,
    that He answered ultimately to God His father, explaining His
    disappearance to Joseph and Mary by explaining that He had to “be
    about My Father’s business:” indeed, Jesus admonishes Joseph and
    Mary that they should have known this already.76 Since the Father Son
    relationship between God the Father and Jesus is one of the primary
    themes of the New Testament and a basic part of Christian orthodoxy,77
    it is spiritually obscene to envision Joseph’s act as an adoption
    in the modern sense. As in the stories of the Old Testament, it is
    the original parent, in this case God, who is far more important than
    the so-called “adoptive” parent. ”

    Enough said.

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  9. Ah, another ‘Christian’ dagger in the back of infertile couples. If you don’t have any experience with adoption, infertility or steph-families, you’d be better just to shut up about this.

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    1. 1) I don’t think you read the post. 2) I am very sorry for your infertility. I too suffered secondary infertility; something that is common among first moms that isn’t presented to them by counselors. 3) Infertility gives no Biblical excuse to take a child from a living parent.
      I am sorry for your grief. I promise a Newborn will not resolve that grief.

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      1. Furthermore, after I’ve had a few minutes to ponder on your response “Me”…this post wasn’t meant to be a “Christian dagger in the back of infertile couples.”

        In fact, living life as a first mom, adoption feels like a “Christian dagger” in the back of the poor. But, I digress.

        This post is replete with Scripture. Scripture in its rightful context. So, if quoting Scripture in its rightful context is perceived as a “dagger” in your’s or anyone else’s back, then why exactly would they be Christian? They obviously are opposed to it.

        And if they aren’t Christian, then why would they be concerned about a post entitled “Why Newborn Adoption Isn’t Biblical”? It obviously doesn’t apply to them.

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  10. Moses’ mother sacrificially gave him up to be raised by someone else. I don’t believe this is necessarily an UNbiblical option. Like it or not, we live in a culture of individualism, not community, and moms in general don’t have the same support networks Hagar and Tamar would have had. Should a mother be *required* to let her child starve because she’s not capable of providing for him but isn’t allowed to give him to someone who can? Should she be placed in a position where she feels so “stuck” that she chooses abortion? (This post should also be renamed, because it doesn’t actually address whether newborn *adoption* is proper, but whether newborn *surrender* is proper. Two sides of the same coin, true, but two sides.)

    With that said, I absolutely, 100% agree with you that no mother should be *forced* (or pushed) to give up her baby. I’m so sorry you were not given other options. There *are* resources out there for mothers who want to keep their babies. There are still maternity homes. And there are families — like my own — who gladly take unwed moms under their roofs and help them get on their feet and learn to care for their little ones. If these resources are not being made widely known to those who need them, we’re failing, and I’m sorry. (I would welcome suggestions for how we can do a better job as the Church ensuring that the right people get connected with the right people.) And if agencies supposedly helping mothers are pushing them hard enough into adoption that they don’t believe they have a choice, that’s as shameful as those pushing mothers so hard into abortion that they don’t believe they have a choice. And shame on any organization who leads an adoptive parent to *incorrectly* believe the child he’s adopting is “free and clear” of birth parents who would *rather* be raising him themselves. This kind of thing needs to be dealt with — in adoption agencies, CPS, and anywhere else it’s going on.

    Please don’t vilify those, though, who are on the other side of this scenario, loving and caring for babies who have been orphaned or — at least to the best of their understanding — abandoned or surrendered.

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    1. Moses’ mother raised Moses as hired help for Pharaoh’s daughter. I don’t think the point of Moses childhood was to glorify his adopters, the apostate Egyptians, considering they were later drowned in the Red Sea. Quite a stretch for a “Christian” society to use in order to promote newborn adoption.
      Hagar and Tamar didn’t have community support. Hagar literally was sent out in to the desert with Ishmael. The whole point of Tamar getting pregnant with Judah’s children was due to him putting her out and cutting her out of her promised inheritance.
      There is NO biblical account blessing newborn adoption nor making excuses for newborn adoption.
      Society has come a long way since the 18 years of my becoming a birth mom. There is certainly more to be done. And it doesn’t help, AT ALL, when a pervasive “Christian” culture condones the separation of mother and child as a tenet of their faith. An incredibly quick method to drive away mothers and children from Christianity, is telling them that God wills their separation. I have battled it myself for many years.
      My intention is not to vilify. I simply posted Scripture in context, and if one finds vilification in the words, then it is not with me, but with the God they follow. We have a Christian society that proudly tells scared, expectant mothers that they are being used by God to be vessels for another family. I was point blank told, and my story is incredibly common, that my womb was used to make another family. That is straight from the pits of Hell. And every day, newborn adoption in this country gets lauded as a charitable act, when it couldn’t be furthest from it. My womb and my child were not to be exploited by fellow “Christians” as a charitable deed. The true charity would have been to love me and my daughter. To have listened to me and to have helped the two of us stay together.
      The Church has many a destroyed family on its hands. Like mine. Adoption destroyed my family.
      There is no biblical foundation for the Church to pick and choose which families should be destroyed or created.
      Orphans require dead parents. I was very much alive. This was touched on in this piece with Mordecai. And in regards to abandonment and surrender, perhaps someone who is adopting, should do the footwork to know whose child they are adopting. Playing dumb doesn’t exonerate one from human trafficking.

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      1. Titus 2…Christians, Church, should SPONSOR MOTHERS who are suffering in poverty, whether on your doorstep or across the world where adoption is prevalent due to poverty. HOMEMAKERS, should ACT as the word of God commands, let your elder women TEACH the younger women, all homemaking and PARENTAL SKILLS, instead we have church choirs, orchestra’s praise events etc, all at a cost, thus not providing for the POOR, whom Christ said we will ALWAYS have with us. I fear in today’s climate, it is ‘Man mind thyself’ instead of prayerfully acting on God’s word, His WORD is TRUTH.

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    2. Moses was not given up by his mother, that is the whole reason his sister was sent to watch him, so they could bring him back from the river. His whole life he was raised as a Jew, taught as a Jew, knew his parents and siblings, and let me tell you, if the son of the pharaoh throws a man off to his death ain’t nothing going to happen to him, so why did Moses run? Because he WASNT the son of the pharaoh. He was NOT adopted in any sense of the word at all, he lived in the house and nothing else. By that stretch ant schoolteacher can take a child home and say “he is my son now, I adopted him since I taught him all year”.

      And the BIBLICAL thing to do if a woman is unable to care for her child is TO HELP HER AND PROVIDE FOR THEM not take the baby away and sell it for thousands of dollars. In fact, that very scenario you made is in the Bible! In 1 Kings 17 Elijah comes upon a widow and her son, who is too young to work. He asks for some bread and her response is she has just enough for her and her son to eat “and then die”. She is saying her son is literally going to starve to death. Guess what, Elijah doesn’t take the boy away and sell him for thousands to a rich family so he doesn’t die. God said right there the boy belongs with his mother, and made it so.

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    3. “Should a mother be *required* to let her child starve because she’s not capable of providing for him but isn’t allowed to give him to someone who can?” Titus2homemaker with all due respect, I’m not trying to yell at you or be rude, but this first statement is where and why you don’t fully understand what this blog post post about. So let’s start with mom that can’t afford to feed her child. If you were standing with Jesus looking through a window at a poor family, let’s say single mother with one child and she’s pregnant and you asked Jesus what should I do to help this family? Do you think he would say feed them? Or do you think he would say spend thousands of dollars at an agency that uses biased false counselling, predatory advertising tactics, and coercive matching with HAP’s so that you can take her baby and feed it, but leave mom and her other child in whatever situation they’re in to fend for themselves and heartbroken with loss? The Donaldson Adoption Institute just did a study and this is well known information in the American newborn adoption community, the number one reason women place their baby is due to money. So essentially, it’s just poor women that feel shamed and helpless, lacking support, and money that are placing. It’s not because they don’t want their baby, it’s because our society has told them they are not good enough and if they love their baby… People with money are who is good enough. To answer the rest of your comment, my son is 9, it was 2007 when I surrendered. I called a list of churches when I was 9 months pregnant that I had gotten from United Way looking for help. I called at least 20, I think it was closer to 30 of these churches. Not one of them answered the phone, not one of them called me back. Two weeks before my due date I was looking through the yellow pages in a phone book for a pediatrician. I called the pediatrician I wanted to use for my son and the receptionist on the phone was so rude to me. I got off the phone and started to cry, I was so scared and after not even being able to schedule an appointment for my baby, I felt like a total failure at everything. Pregnancy hormones make you a little crazy too so that wasn’t helping my situation. When I looked back down at the phone book I saw an ad for an adoption agency advertising that they will help you wether you make an adoption plan or not. To make a long story short, it turned out, they wouldn’t give me any help unless I signed. I desperately needed my car fixed, didn’t have a job due to my pregnancy and already had a 6 year old, I was an easy target for them. My story is typical not abnormal. This is the narrative of American “Christian” newborn adoption… swindel the poor for their children.

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      1. Thank you for sharing your story Jenna. It IS the norm as I’m finding.
        It’s good in a sense that I know I’m not a psychopath. I’ve never “gotten over” the loss of my daughter as I was told I would. How long I thought something was wrong with me because I ached for her.
        That’s twisted!!!! And that’s what “Christians” tell birth moms every day. My own aunt recently told me to “get over” my daughter.
        However, I did quickly get over my aunt.

        It’s a great evil what society, but more importantly what so-called Christians, are putting on the shoulders of poor, young, and scared mother’s. And they have ZERO scripture to justify it.

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      2. Jenna, Christ FED the five thousand, I believe Christ would have taken that young mother to a HOME where she would be cared for and helped till she was on her feet. When Jesus saw the widow of NAIN< we read, he was MOVED with COMPASSION, here lies the crux of the matter MOVED with COMPASSION, today's Christian adopters are moved with self righteousness, the draw to the saviour/saint mentality and the praise of man is their clarion cry to adopt, what is more disturbing, they are spurred on by the PASTORS and those in the pulpit, all for self glory and as they say the good of the church and community, ever the proverbial ostrich. INSTEAD of acquiring all research available today, delivering devastating research on the psychological outcome for mothers and their taken children, and when reunion occurs, GUILTY of the LOYALTY and GRATITUDE symptom, instead of the Christian act, of enhancing and supporting family reunion allowing the. Reunion to blossom, and their time now to take a back seat, there comes with this new situation, SELFISH MISUNDERSTANDING mostly resulting in total breakdown, and they call all of this ……God's Will.

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  11. In the Bible, women who are childless are told to trust God, wait on God and serve God in other ways. NEVER, are they told to go get a baby that God had given to someone else.

    I have written something very similar to what you’ve written. Yours is more artistic. Mine has a few more references.

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  12. Just wanted to point out, the idea of God adopting us is because He does, and many women unfortunately have to adopt their children. See, in this God is our father. He made us, so he is our BIOLOGICAL father. But, while we were still young, Satan came and took us away. We were adopted into sin, just like a baby is taken from it’s real mother and adopted away. Once we find our TRUE father God, He adopts us back. Just like a biological parent adopts back their true children.

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    1. Christina, you are trying to describe here the doctrine of PREDESTINATION. Which has NOTHING to do with NEWBORN ADOPTION.There is NOTHING UNFORTUNATE about adoption, what adoption is is MAN’s destruction of FAMILY, christians who adopt are guilty of destroying families. Christians and Church alike, should STUDY God’s word. SPONSOR ..SUPPORT…MENTOR families in distress, what wonderful blessings would come from this biblical stance.

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  13. Your thoughtful and articulate interpretation is so painful as well as liberating to read. Only someone who has walked through the fire of losing a child can express the reality of adoption.
    I recall my daughter’s adoptive mother who did not want to meet me “ever” as saying that she prayed for me. Exactly what it was that she prayed for? Perhaps that I would just go away and not be a reminder and signify her own fertility loss which caused her so much desperation in requiring and successfully acquiring another woman’s child. Or, maybe that I would quickly recover from the abominable decision I made to hand over my own flesh and blood to who knows what.
    Reunion I learned can signify another alive and deadening to cope with.
    Without people like yourself, Velvet Bocephus, each of us mothers would continue our exile in isolation and self punishing behaviors. Bless You.

    P.S. I dedicate this incredible instrumental to you, Butterfly’s Day Out –
    A 10 year old child, after listening, named it Butterfly’s Day Out. Enjoy.

    http://www.artistdirect.com/video/yo-yo-ma-butterfly-s-day-out/25279

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    1. Thank you.

      I wish I didn’t feel the necessity to be anonymous. I live a very open book life. Losing your freedom to speech is another thing you won’t be told by adoption professionals.

      Always living in fear that you will be cut off from your child if you honestly discuss adoption. So, anonymity until then.

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  14. Psalm 139 ‘We are fearfully and wonderfully made’ whether in wedlock or out of wedlock, God, Omnipotent, Sovreign God, chose the womb. Here we have the MOTHER given her TITLE by God, and, God chose the womb, therefore it is SINFUL to address the adopter as mother, this is breaking the commandments of God, by bearing false witness. CHURCH as we know it todayhas FAILED unmarried mothers these generations. Society in USA were truly blessed with a God fearing Christian of immense calibrate. Dr Kate Waller-Barrett. The motto above the entrance to her mother and baby homes, ‘NEVER SEPERATE THE SACRED BOND OF MOTHER AND CHILD’ instead of following the word of God, Church and church adoption associations chose the secular route and FILTHY LUCRE BECAME THE MOTIVE. Christ dealt with such compassion, with the woman taken in adultery, David and Bathsheba, after seeking forgiveness, went on to become the greatest King known by Israel, God forgives, and succours Psalm147 He has come to heal our broken hearts, and bind up all our wounds and brokenness. I lost my son to adoption 52 years ago, A Bottomless ABYSS of SORROW was and is my lot, a LIVING BEREAVEMENT, yet having debated the length and breadth of UK with Christians, I have found it a loosing battle, as ADOPTION is given GREAT CREDENCE HERE, and adopters SAVIOURS and SAINTS within their church communities.

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  15. Velvet….Dian Wellfare has written a book…SANCTIONED EVIL… Dian quotes.. Adoption practice works on the premise that in order to save the child – You must first destroy it’s mother ‘. I was utterly shocked to read in the first 40 pages about the devastating OUTCOME that has SEARED US MOTHERS till this very day. How adoption as we no it today. Came into being….. A paper written by Dr. Clark E. Vincent Professor of SOCIOLOGY presented on 26th May 1964 at the Col. Ruth Pagan Memorial meeting SOCIAL FORECAST. SPONSORED by Florence Crittenden Ass, SALVATION ARMY….. here we have it CHRISTIANS SPONSORING A SECULAR IDEOLOGY. Governments took control of illegitimacy, disregarding the psychological wellbeing and protection in law for the unwed mother, the state was to CULL illegitimacy by heralding in fast track adoption. CLARK predicted The TERM IN THE BEST INTEREST OF THE CHILD would become the TOOL to PRY newborns away from their mothers for, TO SUPPLY DEMAND for NEW BORNS….Clark’s quote… If the demand for adoptable babies continues to exceed the supply….then it is quite possible that, in the near future, UNWED MOTHERS WILL BE PUNISHED by having their babies taken from them IMMEDIATELT AFTER BIRTH…..I rest my case, Christians who secumb to this evil exchange should hang heir heads in shame, this is NOT God honouring this is CHURCH SOCIETAL PRESSURE.. How dare. Christians say, God chose them as the parents, How dare christians say God clearly spoke to them to adopt, I would go as far as to say it was the god of self righteousness, church societal pressure and the mores of the Christian community that has sold their heritage for a mess of postage, they adhered to this SECULAR PREDICTER…instead of being a BEREAN, study God’s word and have compassion for the POOR the WIDOW the AFFLICTED, supporting their every need, they took on the SECULAR MANTLE of the predicted and stole the babies…. Today it is the day and age of prosperity, the MUST HAVE designer accessory, the House the Car the Education the BIG WEALTHY CHURCH with all its attachments and the jewel in the crown of covetous GREED…..The newborn stollen from the teenage/poor/mothers…Would they sell the house the car????would the church downsize ?? Axe the orchestra/music fancy fittings/fixtures/interiors, to SUPPORT SPONSOR the needy??? Sell the 5 star luxury manse and downsize to local area flat?? Sell the PRIVATE PLANE….. Christ Jesus told the rich man to do this to sell ALL his wealth, and follow Jesus….I rest my case.

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