June 19, 1998 4 positive tests. I threw up. How am I going to tell my parents? June 21, 1998 Told my parents. Everything is going to be ok. Relieved. I even bought you an outfit. July 4th, 1998 Your dad and I were supposed to go on a date. He broke up with me…
Dear Birthmother, I am a birthmother of two decades and counting. I consider myself an adoption veteran and I would be honored to share some of my insights with you. This letter will be very different from anything you have read or heard about adoption, but please bear with me. If you want to skip the detailed explanations, feel free … More Dear Birthmother, From a Birthmother
It’s that time of year again that I cannot be held accountable for what I say or do. I keep my contacts with the outside world short and sweet. I refrain from all sad stories and troubles that are out of my control. I put my blinders on and focus on the day to day- get … More Hope is Not a Mercy in Adoption
If it were your first time on the internet, one thing you might find is that humans seem nearly obsessed with how we value the lived experiences of other humans. We are the only species that makes decisions solely based on the reviews of others within our species. Need a good vacation spot? Read a review. Want to … More If We Silence Adoptees, Who is Adoption For?
The truth of those words have circled my subconscious for nearly 20 years like vultures circling their dying prey. Denial is a powerful mechanism for protection and it kept the vultures at a distance, just long enough for me to regain my strength. I didn’t want to believe those words so many years ago, but truth is truth independent … More If I Weren’t a Christian, I Would Have My Baby…
I’m not posting this with the intention of it being shared. Share if you like, but this is for me. Thinking out loud. Thinking into my keyboard. I spoke with a mom tonight who placed her youngest child for adoption 2 years ago. At the time of placement, she had an older child and she was … More Shame on Open Adoption, Dammit.
Adoption Saves Lives. That has been the unchallenged catchphrase for decades. As far back as I can remember, I have heard it said countless times. I grew up marinating in the pro-life movement; the purveyor of this catchphrase. I’ve been to more Marches For Life than I can recall. I’ve owned my fair share of … More Pro-life? Take the Adoption Industry to Task.
Tired of searching for that racially-acceptable expectant, er, birth mom (word conditioning matters) in just enough crisis that she will consider relinquishing her child for adoption? Exhausted by competing with all those other picture and paper perfect prospective adoptive parents that were also disproportionately “called by God” at a ratio of 36 to 1? Disappointed with yet another “failed” adoption where your birth mother … More KNAVELOVE: We bake ’em, You take ’em
I’ve never blogged from a restaurant before much less on my phone. I like the privacy of my bathroom with my Epsom salt and scented candles. But I’m on the verge of a panic attack. I felt it as we left my son’s piano lesson. I promised the kids lunch at a fast food joint … More Don’t Mind the Panic Attack at Table 11.
Dear America, I spent the first 16 years of my adoption experience as a “birth” mother in complete isolation. It was preceded by the nearly 10 months of family-conducted isolation during my pregnancy. Such is the life of a shamed pregnant teenager. I had personally never known either an adopted person or a natural mother. I thought my mother and the adoption … More America, You Have An Adoption Problem.