When You Prayed Against Me

It was the lowest point in my life. I had lost so much in such a short amount of time. I had gone from someone who believed in a hopeful future to someone who was hopeful just to make it through each day; nevermind a future. I was shamed and left unsupported. I had broken social mores and had to be chastised for my deviation. Rebuke would get me back in line and closer to God.

You prayed against me.

You preyed upon me.

You dehumanized me.

You infantilized me.

You judged me.

You convicted me.

You punished me.

You devoured me.

Then you took a piece of me.

You paraded yourself as savior.

You prayed that I would fail. You prayed that I would be alone. You prayed that I would be unsupported. You prayed that I would be resourceless. You prayed that I would be poor. You prayed that I would break. You prayed that I would be unhealthy. You prayed that I would be unmotivated. You prayed that I would be detached. You prayed that I would disappear. You prayed that I would be forgotten.

You invited your friends, family, and church to pray all these things against me.

You say you never prayed for my failure, but you knew failure would happen somewhere to someone at sometime.

It happened here, to me, now.

I cannot separate your prayers from my greatest loss.

When you wanted a husband, did you pray for another’s divorce?

When you wanted a house, did you pray for another’s foreclosure?

When you wanted a job, did you pray for another’s dismissal?

When you wanted a child, what did you pray for me?

I am a birthmother. I know.

I don’t need your prayers.

And you are no savior.


3 thoughts on “When You Prayed Against Me

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